**typos corrected ;)
Most times we don't realize we are being emotionally manipulated, abused and used for another persons gain. Their gain is the gratification and an energy high when they take a person down, poke at them, belittle them, shut them up and go quiet. It is a power struggle and one has to stay on top, it is a very exhausting and tiring game.
I lived it for 21 years in my relationship and walked away at 35. I was on both sides and can recognize it a mile away in people. I have become my own teacher where I can see in others "who I use to be." Since shifting my behaviors, I have learned to observe in my 30's and learn from people so I can see myself in them and see what I have to correct in myself. It's allowing people to be my teachers now without judgement because I did it.
What I learned is "If a person does it twice they like it", it is not only that, it is the conditioning a person saw growing up. We attract what are parents are like, we attract our first love and the first person that we ever had sexual intercourse with at any age-all in one person and sometimes multiple. This does not make a person bad, it just shows we are unaware until we learn....and if your reading this, now you are aware. So good job finding this blog, you were meant to be here.
I am an Absolute Truth speaker, I tell it like it is and ask for what I want. I do know that when we are aware we can choose better and decide on what we really want and not based on our past. That is when we have to be REALLY HONEST with ourselves in what we deeply want, need, desire, admit it, feel it with your gut feeling, feel it with your spirit and then make some decisions.
You see when I first started working with my love on the other side, I can honestly say it was the first time I had experienced a version of healthy relationship and connection. It was so scary because it meant I had to open up, it meant I had to face myself, it meant I had to learn to trust someone else outside of myself and I had so much baggage, triggers and hurt that it took me a while. I waited for the shoe to drop for seven years and there was no shoe to drop. We both waited and always talked about it yearly and the last year of his life he said "Well Barbie, I guess there is no shoe to drop."
I waited to see who would be emotionally manipulative, emotionally abusive, mentally abusive, subtle abuse, controlling, possessive and if there was ownership-there was none. Yes we had some things come up and we always talked about it in a good way, where we admitted our own past to heal. We helped each other grow. We were also very human and worked together and talk to each other.
Over the years we talked openly about everything under the sun, there was no consequence, there was no anger, there was emotional intelligence, listening and lots of understandings with human behaviors. We were able to maintain our best friend connection and had lots of fun.
I was silly scared when I first got to know him because it was like putting your feet into water to make sure it is warm enough and safe enough to go in. I was cautious and I observed to see if I could trust another person. I honestly had no trust for anyone at that time, not even myself. Today that is a different story.
I was honestly use to abuse, I grew up in it, seeing it and living it in my life. I learned that we attract what we have inside of us with transfers in with memories, DNA, emotions and spiritual attachments, what we saw in human behaviors and what we are use to.
When I first had a healthy relationship, as much as I wanted it, as much as my gut feeling and spirit said "YES" and was literally screaming at me...I honestly avoided it. I resisted good medicine because it was not normal to me and it took me a few years to realize it is REAL.
We honestly want the goodness and we are so use to the trauma bond that we go back a few times to what we know as 'normal.' That is until our spirit kicks our ass and tells us it is time to leave the relationship that no longer serves you, that the current relationship is taking you down, that the person you are with won't grow with you, the person you are with (or who were with) chips at you to keep you in your place and where we are no longer happy and become subservient.
It is a hard process and rude awakening to face that reality, I know I left a 21 year relationship. Yet today, with my experience with the healthiest relationship I ever experienced, my standards are high and I can recognize it in people. You can tell them and if they are not ready to hear it they won't accept it. That is ok, because the amazing healing seed has been dropped.
I had to be totally honest with myself and I burst in tears when I finally admitted that I was in an abusive relationship at 34. I denied it, I lived in a lie and it just hit me on a healing table. I screamed and cried because I finally said it out loud and I knew it was done.
I tried for ten years to share knowledge, wisdom, tools, solutions, the old ways, history and everything I learned. It fell on deaf ears and all the person wanted was 'my wife back' and I was not willing to go back to the people pleaser and broken women who served. I wanted to grow and decided to move on in life.
In that time, I have grown tremendously, I am not the same person, yet I still have my funny bone, humor, characteristics, I am just a lot more knowledgeable and have matured. I know what I want and ask for it. And I know when it is not going to work and walk away from connections that are no good for me and I send them blessings. They are reminders of what I don't want, what my boundaries are and how I walk.
So off alone I walk and I am more ok in my life than I have ever been. The person who is meant to be in my life will be in my life. And remember when good medicine presents itself, don't be scared, embrace it...I know it is worth it, because that is what I had to do to have that rare love and connection. Today I use it on myself, I take all the DEEP unconditional love, gratitude and appreciation to help me love myself from a whole new level and continue heal myself.
Made with Unconditional Love, peace, unity and calmness,
Barbara M. Moreau
Angel who Dances on the Clouds & Mountain Stream
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