Many times, in life we go through grief with the death of a loved one. Man it can be hard and at times taxing. The emotions that come up and out and heavy and will sit in the gut until we finally sit down and allow ourselves to feel. Then the tears flow and we are to retrain ourselves that it is safe to cry, I am safe to cry, and it is true healing to release old toxins, old emotions so my spirit is lighter.
I have experienced loss from a young age, most of us have, animal, uncles, grandparents, best friend, common law, father...the first huge blow of my life was losing my best friend at the age of 17. It changed me and I didn't know what grieving was, let alone what to expect...I just thought I was effed up.
When the common law passed on in 2016, that too was another huge blow and this time I had more understanding of death, the process of death, grieving and even wrote a damn book on grieving with the common law (unpublished). Yet it still did not get me ready or prepared for the pre-gieving, grieving, coping with the loss, family shenanigans, and finally moving forward. This too changed me and now I can say for the better.
I followed the traditional belief of another nation to not speak of his death for one year. At the time, I hated it and wanted to throat punch, kick in doors, freak the eff out and put people in their spot. Yet I honored the teaching. One year later, I did not have the yearning to correct people or give them shit. I learned self discipline and got to really mourn his loss.
He was one of the great loves of my life and recently I have come to a place that I can have more than one great love, I can have as many as I damn want. I don't limit myself anymore, because the next person who will walk with me, will get all the love I have carried, felt, learned and used on myself...they will get the very best of me. Lucky person, I want someone like me who is gifted and gone through loss to know just how powerful love can be.
You see no matter who we lose, at any time in our lives, we have to realize that after loss, we can really FEEL how powerful our love is. That love we can now use it on ourselves to help us grow, heal, move forward in life and be a healthier version than we ever were! What a gift!!
Loss of a father=provided me to stand up and provide security, safety, solidness, self care and self encouragement...all that he gave, I now give to myself. I follow what he taught me to use facts only, use my vision to see what is coming and choose wisely. My father was an amazing gifted man with psychic ability and I have that too, thank you Dad.
Loss of a spouse=provided me to stand up on my own, to face fear of being alone to living alone and loving it. The love I had for him I can now use on me, all the gifts and teachings he gave me I can use on me...the deepest sorrow of my life, showed me on the opposite spectrum just how high and powerful my own love is. I use that for myself and in healing sessions now. So all that come to me for help, you get to feel that love I have for him.
It does get easier, not with time, time is a fricken clock and we are not time, we live seasonally. It will take you a few seasons to find your footing and you will be more than ok. Remember, use the love they left behind on you, and those who are close to you.
When you dream of them or get a quick glimpse of your loved one, that is their way of saying, "I made it home" aka heaven.
Made with calmness and compassion...we got this!
Barbara
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